May 2015 - And baby makes 6

Life with our grandsons began to become routine.  Various agencies brought it the case plan to make sure the boys were ok. On any given day we could have several appointments both in and outside our home.

A new plan was coming and we were not prepared but it was what was best for our grandsons.  This journey filled with extreme emotional waves that would take us right to the edge of our breaking point.

Our daughter our grandsons' mother was pregnant with her third child and soon her life choices would once again reek havoc in our family. How? Simply by continuing to hurt our family under the guise of having her family.

December 27, 2014 our first granddaughter was born premature but we had no idea.  Now that this baby had arrived, would our definite no we will not take the baby turn to yes we will? Our lives were already upside down when our then 3 year old and 1 year old grandsons arrived but a newborn baby especially a premature newborn was a tall order. We had no experience with premature babies and their needs. Most importantly where would the baby sleep if we did decide to take the baby. 

After much thought and prayers we made the decision to bring the baby home to live with her brothers. On January 23, 2015 I came home with our granddaughter and our house of 5 became a house of 6. Not quite sure if making this decision proves insanity or a tremendous amount of love but it was not a blind decision.

Almost 4 months later, I can honestly say I am happy we got the baby because we are making sure all of the children are getting all of their needs met. As grandparents we are invested in all of these children. The fact we are their foster parents is an added bonus.

February 2015 - The Honeymoon Is Over

Prior to our grandsons coming to live with us through Child Protective Services, they spent two weeks with a foster family. The foster family took really good care of them and sent them both off with a book of memories to share with our family. These books contained a schedule of what the boys did on a daily basis, doctor visits, dental visits and what the boys liked to eat. The foster family even included pictures from Easter Sunday which included an egg hunt. These books read like a manual on how to ensure our grandsons happiness. There was something huge missing from the books, how were the boys adjusting to being away from their parents. All questions have answers and unfortunately for us the answers would be coming to us sooner than we were ready for them.


Since these were our grandsons we were under the impression that they would come live with us and all would be well. We had no idea just how wrong we were until one afternoon at naptime. Both grandsons were put down for a nap. Instead of taking naps the boys began to fight and both end up in tears. So we go into their room to find out what is going on with them to find that the youngest grandson has a gash on his cheek and the older grandson standing in the center of the floor staring out the window. We asked what happened but since my oldest grandson's speech is unclear we didn't get an answered we understood. The youngest grandson ended up with stitches in his face and from that day forward our grandsons had separate naps. This told us that the honeymoon was over.


That moment in time was a snapshot of life with the boys. We were heading to get to a moment where we would honestly consider having the state come back and get the boys. We came face to face with feces smearing and had no idea how to deal with it. The boys room is my former home office. I had moved much of my things out of the office but still saw that room as my office. That changed when my oldest grandson painted the carpet and walls with feces. We would have many episodes of fecal smearing but the one that had us on the edge of giving up was when my grandson literally pooped on the carpet like an animal. At this point we had people coming out to see the boys and check on their behaviors and they too were at a loss. Our faith in God is what kept the boys with us because if we made the decision they would have left long time ago. We also started working on becoming licensed kinship foster parents. Sharing our experiences with the boys and learning about what children experience in foster care helped us become more patient and to begin looking at the boys living with us in a different light. We began to see the silver lining in the big dark cloud and that was great for all of us.

January 2015 - Oh My God: I Failed As A Parent

When I became a parent I was devoted to making sure that my daughter's life would be nothing like mine. Prior to going to live with my grandparents, I was an abused child. Life was not something that I could see myself living to an old age. However, with the move to my grandparents home I was able to begin to heal but also feel love. Fast forward to 1992. I became a mother for the first time. This beautiful baby girl who I pledge to ensure that no hurt, harm, or danger would touch her. Throughout the years of raising my daughter the journey was filled with twists and turns. Then the day that every proud parent waits for with happy and sad hearts high school graduation. I had not idea that my daughter was dating anyone let alone having unprotected sex and to my shock and surprise the announcement of a baby hit me right between the eyes. That was her first baby. Two years later while living with her boyfriend a second child came.

I can honestly tell you that I was not thrilled to become a grandparent at the age of 38 but I was going to make sure that my grandsons were ok. This task was difficult with the wedge between my daughter and I but I tried as much as I was allowed. My daughter and my relationship had become one of need, I only had contact with her and my grandsons when she needed something from me and I accepted this relationship because I had hope that it would blossom into a better relationship. When starting my nonprofit I found another way to connect with my daughter by having her work with me. That working relationship came to a demise when she sent me a Facebook message telling me that she was unable to fulfill her duties to the nonprofit.

The resignation of my daughter was not really a shock. While in meeting she always seemed to be uninterested in the mission and goals of the organization so it was only a matter of time. Her message was not just about her leaving the nonprofit but also to inform me that my grandsons had been taken by Child Protective Services (CPS). I was so hurt. How could you tell me something as important as this via a social media message. I deserved a phone call or even a face to face meeting not a message. I began asking questions like where are the boys and can I see them. My daughter was cold and gave me no information at first so I became proactive and reached out to the CPS hotline and left my information to someone to contact me about the boys. The next day my daughter finally gave me the worker's name and I left a message for her to call me. I heard from her the next day and that began my journey to kinship foster care.

At this point I had no idea why my grandsons were in CPS custody. I couldn't get a straight answer from my daughter. She blamed her ex boyfriend because she had moved on to the next guy. Nothing was her fault because she was at work. None of this made any sense to me but I knew the answers would come out soon. The biggest question was would I be ready for the answers. I can tell you the answer was no.

After two weeks of background checks my grandsons arrived home on April 24, 2014. I was under the delusion that my grandsons would come in the way that I knew them but they were different. My oldest grandson was distant and only requested to see his mom. My second grandson just had a million mile stare. I had no idea what happened or why but my heart broke for my grandsons.

When the new case manager came received the case she sent me the report that contained why my grandsons were taking into CPS custody. As I read the report tears swelled in my eyes. You see this report stated my grandsons were covered in feces everyday. No diapers were taking to the daycare center and my youngest grandson had 2 ticks on his body. The biggest thing was my daughter's new boo was a sex offender. How could this be? After reading this report, all I felt was oh my God I failed as a parent.
‪#‎BLMGirl‬